the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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