I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
