I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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