Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
