if you like me you must not know who I am
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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