apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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