I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
God gave him joint rollers for hands
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
