There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Randomize
