I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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