he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
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