i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
