Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Fuck appropriateness.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
