Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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