i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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