Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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