Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
She told me I should be a condom model.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
