Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
i think i just lost a toe
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
