I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
