I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
