My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
How does one acquire holy water?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
