I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Drake has all the answers
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
