just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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