what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
