I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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