my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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