so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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