My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
