hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?