in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic