I murdered the dance floor call the cops
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.