one word: firstdatebathroomanal
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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