i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
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