I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
