I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize
