final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
