Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
It's shark week go big or go home
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar