Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i used baking grease as lip gloss
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
