I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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