I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
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I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
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remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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