I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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