Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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