A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
