Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
