New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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