there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
If I die, sorry about rent.
Randomize
