She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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