She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
