You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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