i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
