new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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