she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
