Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize