Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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