I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
