U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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