i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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