There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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