I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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