I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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