She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
