i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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