when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
