this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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