Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
